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Fishing the Film

I'm going to tell you something. No one likes the Poms, in the same way that no one likes the Yanks, in the same way that no one likes the Krauts, in the same way that no one likes the Frogs. So if you have a French mother, a German father, were born in England and grew up in America you are now completely screwed.

Me, I've levitated above all that nonsense. I was born in Jersey and have a Jersey passport, my mother is Scottish, my father English, I grew up in Scotland then England. And now I'm homeless. See?

And it's amazing how people judge you by where you're from. But if you really want to disturb people just tell them you live in a car and haven't had a shower in over a month.

I'm not a Nationalist; I'm a Flyfisher. I'm on this planet to fish. Consequently I spend maybe one month each year in the UK. I say hello to my family, cast a bit, tie some fluff and catch a plane. I would possibly spend longer in the UK but I can't afford to fish there, not without having a proper job. And despite appearances I'm not particularly employable.

And there's no women in my life and that's because (a) I've no time for a relationship, which doesn't work and (b) I can't be arsed. So I'm doing what I was put here to do (by Goddess of course) and that's fish here all the time and run Sexyloops.

It's a spiritual thing. I'm a very spiritual person surprisingly enough. Me and God are like this (crossed fingers) and we're always taking the piss out of each other. He's constantly locking me out of the car for example and making me forget things.

And people take me seriously, which is even more absurd because I don't. Like I spend my life catching fish with fluff. That's why I'm here. It's very serious and I'm feeling very serious about it. Have you seen my flies by the way?

So, I'm sitting here in my truck, typing away. I've had a few beers – I do drink alone – how else are you supposed to meet yourself? On a cliff top? And I'm feeling pretty good. The fishing has been really interesting recently. I've integrated kayaking into my flyfishing. Last four days I've been fishing Quake Lake for the evening rise. The wind drops, buzzers hatch and the fish are up and about.

Mainly rainbows but some browns too. One pound is a good fish, although I've had bigger. Maybe to one and a half. And it's the emerger/suspender fishing with which I nailed fish 15 years ago. It's wonderful. These fish haven't seen this; no question there.

They're slightly less one-directional than you may expect, so you have to be accurate and quick – and that's not easy to judge from a kayak. If you lead them too much they change course and I'm only fishing two flies – not three. If I had a net I'd fish three, so I'm going to make one (not going to spend 40 dollars on a net!). I did start with a team of three but there was a fuckup with one fish and so I've pulled back to something more easily manageable on the release.

Anyway if you make the cast right you get the take – mostly! The Claret Suspender is nailed. The Fiery Shipman's is also taking its toll, although I'm having a hell of a problem with my leader at the moment – Fuller's on its way however!

Yes it's great.

The Madison was good too. Doing well there with Caddis and Woolly Buggers.

It's great to have the freedom to do this. You can't do this in England: find a lake, launch a kayak, fish for free with only a rod licence. That simply doesn't happen. You can do it in New Zealand of course – which is why I spend 6 months/year there. And you should be able to do it in England. What a strange planet this is. I can fish NZ and America for free using the public system and yet the waters in the UK and most of Europe are private or State leased. Doesn't that completely suck?

I don't believe in that. I don't care how privileged someone is; they don't own this planet. Why can't I fish the River Test? Or the Itchen? Jolly good, old chap, don some tweed, tuck your trousers into your socks and maybe you'll be reborn a tosser.

Time for another beer…

So it's not completely free here; America has its fair share of wankers too – oh this is going to be a good Vortex isn't it? But it's true. And it's very regulated. I'm talking freedom camping. I do freedom camp but I've been breaking the law every night for the last month. But sod 'em.

Look: I live in a car for eleven months a year. I don't have a proper “home”. I'm not your typical “flycasting instructor” although ironically I'm more qualified than everyone else on this planet.

No doubt that will give you confidence.

Gotta crash…

Essential Bush Skills

The start of any flytying good flytying sequence involves squirting The Light of Apgai on your polyprops
Both alarm and curiousity set in when the polyprops start melting
Putting the lid back on the jar to stop *that* happening again
The flytying proper is underway
Notice the composure, that's true class that is
A difficult bit, you can tell that from the vacant expression
Essential bush skills: the third hand
Notice my hat here, it's quite daring
Snip, snip
I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here, but it's cool
Trimming an oversize hackle that appears to have become trapped in the whip finnish manoevre
Delicate precision work, the hallmark of any good flytyer
A sexy catch...

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