The world – and Germany in particular – is quite an interesting place, for one thing people like to fit in. Sometimes it's easier to compromise yourself than stand alone. But it's not for me. And perhaps I just get to notice it more in Germany because I don't understand what the hell they're talking about, so I end up spending most of my time as a spectator. But I have to ask myself “why?”

Why is catch and release illegal in Germany?

“Sometimes I takes flies for the buzz, man”

Why do people want to fit in? And fit in to what? To other people's conceived ideas about what they should or shouldn't be doing? There's something wrong here; I just want to be me, I don't really care what anyone else thinks about that. Why should I? We're the ones who have to live with ourselves: this is my life. Only I can really know myself, and it's not like that's easy either. Most people don't appear to have a clue who they are.

Hell, I don't even know where I am sometimes.

“Sock him”

And another thing I've noticed, while I'm down this track, is that a hell of a lot of people actually work in Germany, and full-time. Why? Now look I've got a real problem with this, and not just because I'm a lazy son-of-a-bitch or get bored easily, but because most people I meet can't stand their jobs and would rather be doing different. When I feel like that I go ahead and do something different. It's that simple. The longest I've held down any job has been just short of six months. Everyone tells me they need the money and that's why they work. Well okay, a little money is useful, I mean we gotta eat, but most people buy all sorts of crap they just don't need. Come on, how many things do we actually need? Do we really need anything?

Of course, no one wants to employ me either...

"Oh no! Me hat!"

“Buy the deluxe toast-master, make perfect toast and become a sheep”

"I love being a sheep; it's *so* liberating - you get to eat grass, live in a box and you never ever have to think for yourself"

"Mugwai Hunts are like this sometimes: waiting, waiting, waiting, feeding sheep, waiting."

And mortgages! Put yourself in a box and spend the rest of your life paying for it. I don't want to know what I'm doing for the next 30 years; I don't even want to know what I'm doing tomorrow. It's so easy to break this; all you gotta do is step out. Why be a number? This site is the only “normal” thing I do in life. And hardly anyone gets the message (I've recently discovered). I don't actually give a fuck about flycasting. Do you really think it matters?

Who wants life to be perfect when it can be sexy?

"I didn't want to pass that line; I simply had no choice."

Marriage is another shackle - this attachment to a girlfriend, companion, “relationship”. That's not freedom; that's fear of being alone, or of missing something. If you're not happy with yourself, how is your relationship ever going to work out? Besides, how are you going get to know you if you don't give yourself a chance? Being homeless, broke and single has been the best time of my life, and when I've finished doing whatever it is I'm doing here, that's right back to where I'm heading. I don't fit in here and I don't want it. There's too many jagged edges and I refuse to be told how to behave. Especially by sheep.

But what do I know?

"The woolly sculpin - little fish or big sock?"

Call me naive but that's actually what I thought flyfishing and life was all about; being free to do your own thing, without worrying about anything else. That's why I got into flyfishing in the first place.

Yeah right, like it wasn't a fish fetish.

"Right, stand back: I'm going in."

It's strange, when something becomes your life, it becomes life itself, with all its incomprehensible depth. I'm taking a long hard look at Sexyloops, flycasting and all the other things I've worked myself into, and if I'm not careful I'm going to start making compromises. I don't believe in compromise. I believe in following my instinct. If you're attached to something, it controls you; I just don't need that in life anymore. Or ever.

"Are you saying that you don't know what you're doing - or that you know what you're doing but just haven't worked out what it is yet?"

"Want a site philosophy? There isn't one. Want a plan? There isn't one. Want a reason?"

Most of my friends don't get this of course. They've mostly got jobs, a relationship and a mortgage; they've given up. “Calm down Paul, get married, get a job, have some children, buy a toaster.” Give up every single thing you believe in. No thanks.

Better duck, this is Sexyloops, and it's still kicking...

"Now I'm a criminal at large... a real baad boy"

This week: we have a new series from Viking Lars, I'll be dropping something into the flow (slime lines I think), I'm hoping to have a loop formation video, Mike will be writing on Wednesday and we have some images to stick into the Fly.

Next week: I'm going away on holiday; I'll be offline for 5 days at least, and intermittently for two weeks... :-)

Have a good one,
Paul