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Why We Don't Catch Fish

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Ronan's report


Friday 16th November, 2012

So I popped over to my friend Tom’s place. He had just returned from fishing. As I followed him into his house, his dog came running to him, smelt him and his bag, then ran to the middle of the living room, and lay there on his back dead still with all four legs up in the air. Puzzled, I asked his wife Mary, "what is wrong with the dog?" "Nothing", she replied. "He does that every time Tom goes fishing and does not catch anything." "So what happens when Tom catches something?" I enquired. "I don’t know," replied Mary, "Tom has never caught anything"…

(Credit to this joke must go to Allen O’ Connor, an old friend and fishing mentor at the time I started flyfishing).

I am sure that you have come across tons of reasons why we don’t catch fish, so I decided to document a few saltwater reasons. I think that I am going to print these on mugs or T-shirts or something and sell them and become rich so that I can fish the world. So, please don’t steal my idea ;~)… just kidding. Here goes:

  1. The water was too nice
  2. The water was too dirty
  3. The water was too clean
  4. The sea was too rough
  5. The sea was too calm
  6. The wind was too strong
  7. The wind was blowing from the wrong direction
  8. The current was too strong
  9. The water was washing too much
  10. The sand was rolling
  11. The swells were too big
  12. I had the wrong flies
  13. The stupid fish were not biting
  14. It was high tide
  15. It was low tide
  16. The tides were all wrong
  17. It was neap tides
  18. It was spring tides
  19. I did not have my lucky shirt
  20. My line was tangling too much
  21. The fish were too far out
  22. I could not get onto the rocks
  23. I had the wrong tippet
  24. I had the wrong line
  25. My shirt frightened the fish away
  26. The stupid bait fishermen scared the fish away
  27. The diver scared the fish away
  28. The wind was coming from the wrong direction
  29. The water was too warm
  30. The water was too cold
  31. My flies were too big
  32. My flies were too small
  33. The bait fishermen were in my way
  34. The rocks were too slippery
  35. I did not bring my sandwiches
  36. The smell of my flies chased the fish away
  37. My flies did not have eyes
  38. My poppers were sinking
  39. My poppers were not popping
  40. I did not have trace wire
  41. The fish just did not come my way
  42. I was not lucky
  43. The other guy stole my spot
  44. My hooks were too small
  45. My hooks were too big
  46. My hooks were not sharp
  47. My hooks were rusty
  48. There was too much bait in the water
  49. The ski boats chased the fish away
  50. The bait fishermen spoilt the fish with bait and they would not eat my flies
  51. The beach was packed
  52. There we too many people swimming
  53. The smell of the lotion/sunblock on my hands chased the fish away
  54. It was too bright
  55. It was too dark
  56. The fish were too full
  57. It was the wrong time of day/year
  58. My equipment was cheap
  59. I did not have my glasses
  60. The fish were biting yesterday
  61. It was raining too heavy
  62. The sand was too hot
  63. I was too late
  64. I was too early
  65. The sun was up/down
  66. My friend caught all the fish
  67. I ran out of flies
  68. The fish did not like me
  69. It was too humid
  70. There was a cyclone/storm out at sea
  71. There was too much dirt (weeds) in the water
  72. The dolphins chased the fish
  73. I left my reel at home
  74. There were too many fishermen
  75. The turtle chased the fish away

Please don’t ever use one of these the next time you don’t catch fish.

Tight lines and screaming reels.
Sudesh


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