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Ronan's report

Friday 24th February, 2012

Get your minds out of the gutter there loopers and looperetts, I know you ladies are as bad as or worse then the guys when it comes to the steamy stuff, but and there is always a but this is not what you think. When did you loose your fishing tale virginity, when did you tell you first Fly fishing LIE?? There has been some interesting stuff on the board , and some things worthy of tall tails but are in fact true. .

So that got me thinking about this whole fish-lie-ing thing. I know the worst one I have heard and this is a true story it happened to me. I was fishing off the dock on Daly Lake out in Golden Grove just outside of the city limits of Saint John New Brunswick, right in front of the little store across from the dock, and I had caught a whopper of a rainbow trout, huge I tell you! Well along comes this older kid, must have been all of 10yrs old, and how this kid got all his tall tale talent at that age I will never know, he says to me that I had better give him that fish because it is no good, that I had caught it in the nose. It is no good to eat and he would give it to his cat. Well I know that I gave him that fish but did so with tears in my eyes cause I was proud of that fish, I was sure it was the largest one to come out of the lake in years.

I went back to my Grandfather Osborne’s house near the lake, and told him how lucky we were that I had almost brought home a huge fish but it was bad. Well let me tell you I truly learned a lesson or two that day, never trust anybody when it comes to fishing tall tales, and don’t tell my Grandfather Osborne something he does not want to hear. I could not sit down for a week. I never did find that punk kid again, but and there is always a but, now if I did find him I would thank him, because he started me on my way to being a AWCFFF - A World Class Fly Fishing Fibber. I will never lie to you but will bullshit you just a bit!.

So tell me when and what fly fishing question makes your gears of lying turn fastest and tell the biggest fib.

Enjoy these totally legit lies men must tell women and must never get caught in!

The 5 questions most feared by men are:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Fly Fishing.

b. Tying flies.

c. How fat you are.

d. How much prettier she is than you.

e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, s**t loads.

b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

c. That depends on what you mean by love.

d. Does it matter?

e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

d. I've seen fatter.

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner

c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age

d. Define pretty

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.

The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Toyota Land Cruiser and a new Fly Rod"

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my fly rods?

MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

MAN: Oh s**t!

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