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Ronan's report


Friday 13th January, 2012

I woke up one morning, only one morning mind you the rest of the mornings I did not. This one particular morning a lot more of me woke up then normal. Not just that part that screams “where am I fly fishing today” but the real down and dirty part of me that wakes once in a while and says “Hay Asshole hold my beer and watch this shit, I am going to shake this hippie up” So what woke me the whole me up, shit it could have been the fact that two of my good buddies have and are staring down Mr "C" and maybe a little bit that two of my sons are getting married this summer.. sooooo I says to myself on top of all that happy shit you have reached the magical 5 year mark. How many of you know that mark - retired for 5 years and still alive. SOOOO Waddafeckyougonadu I asks me?

I know! I will get a job; become a real honest to goodness working man. So being an overachiever I got three jobs. I now have it whittled down to two. The one I quit is the one that the endy bit is about this week. I take great pride in my ability to do this job, but I quit it to do an easier job. Just need the time to concentrate on family and fly fishing.

So I am planning my fly fishing trips for 2012 and beyond I know a non-believer right! I want to be fly fishing on the Mayan Rivera on 22 Dec 2012 laughing my arse off. And in 2013 I want to be New Zealand, nutz deep in a cold river and colder beer.

So while you read this weeks endy bit, stop and think, am I this stupid, am I a fly fisher who is this self centered, here is one thing I learned from working E911 (999) for over 8 years, "I am normal, my family is normal, my friends are normal, the rest of the world is Effed Up".

Here are the Top 10 silly Emergency E911/999 calls of 2011:

10 - During a snow emergency in early February, a woman called police to complain that snowplows were cleaning her street and making too much noise.

9 - A 17-year-old youth called police to seek advice. He wanted to know if he could disown his mother because she wouldn't give him money.

8 - A man called police because he found a roll of carpet on his front lawn and wanted an officer to attend his residence. He cancelled having police attend when he found out his wife put it there.

7 - A woman called 911 after being denied entry to a local night club. She forgot her identification and wanted an officer to attend to query her name to prove to the security staff that she was of legal drinking age. When she was told police don't do that, she argued that they should.

6 - A man called 911 to request an ambulance for a friend. Before disconnecting the call, the call taker overheard a man in the background say, "Don't worry, I'll get rid of the dope". Needless to say, police were dispatched as well. True to his word the man must have ditched the dope as officers didn't find any.

5 - A man called police when he saw a "small lion" cross the road in front of him. He was also quick to point out that he had not smoked any drugs… that day.

4 - A woman called police to have a man removed from her residence. She no longer wanted his company after they were sharing a sofa to sleep on. She wanted the other end but the man wouldn't switch.

3 - A man called 911 to report that his vehicle was just stolen from his driveway. He provided a description and the direction of travel. Officers scoured the area but were unable to locate it until they attended his house and found it right where he left it. He attempted to cover his mistake by fabricating a story that the suspects returned the "stolen" car to his driveway and fled. Officers didn't buy it. It turned out the man saw a vehicle just like his drive by his house and jumped to the conclusion his had been stolen.

2 - Police responded to a 911 call when screaming was heard in the background during the telephone call to police. The investigation revealed that a couple was arguing because the man wanted to play XBOX while the woman wanted to play Nintendo Wii. The tipping point occurred when the man opened a new package of cigarettes when another package was already open.

1 - A woman called 911 because her cats ate her Whopper and she wanted another one.

OK these are all from Entitled North America, Silly eh!


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