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Ronan's report


Friday 22nd July, 2011

We left a little late on Friday morning, but that was OK, it was the day before anyway, and we just wanted to get up there and then relax before the fun started on Saturday. This particular lake opens 16 July for fishing; it is a Golden trout lake, one of only five in the province. It is the easiest to find in the province but most likely the hardest to hike to, 2.5km of shale, switch backs, wind, rain, GRIZZLY BEARS, mountain goats wish I had one to carry my pack, 4500ft elevation gain, the total elevation is 8500+/-. We got camp set up and then proceeded to climb as high as we could and then did a 1000ft shale jump and glide back to the lake.

The goal was three lakes with gin clear water that holds smallish fish that can rocket from fining still stuck to the bottom, to mach 7 and then to a stop 1.2cm from your fly in an anorexic heart beat, fin there and then ever so slowly descend to the depths. But when they hit holy carp do they hit the fly.

It was a very satisfying long weekend for my fishing partner and I, we caught 23 of these jewels between us, from 4in to 18in long, the only reason to “keep Score” here is that it is required by the “squints” to gauge how the fishery is doing.

Speaking of squints we had two of them from the RAM - Royal Alberta Museum in Edmonton come up and with great attitude and slight superior tone of voice tell my fishing partner and I that they had a special license to take any size and up to three of the Golden trout, from the lakes. Now I am not one to fly off the handle or let things get me riled up, I am a pretty mellow Hippy type of dude. But something about these two mental midgets got under my considerable thick skin. So to tell the truth I lied like a mutherfuker to them, I told them the wrong flies the wrong area the wrong method the wrong every thing!! If they had only said that they need the specimens for important research or to improve the bio-habitat then I would have helped all I could but to take them just so some bubblegum popping mindless city puke to gawk at well that is just wrong!

Do not get me started on the fecking guide that had the lack of class to show up on first day. He only brought up a posse of 5, 1 shotgun holder, one fly fisher from Cranbrook, not sure what else to call the other two, camp whores, a bunch of bad beer from SASK, they left after one fish and one night, so did the squints with out their Specimens. So my fishing partner and I had the place to our selves from Sunday afternoon until we left late Monday. The fish had become Hmmmm let’s say leader shy yeah that is it, they might of gotten lockjaw I am not sure but they stopped almost all feasting on Trout flies. It was time to get home anyway, so we packed up and hiked down, or as I like to call it the death decent +42c on the way down. Damn that was hard. I am glad I had the best damn fishing partner in the world that day, watching him hike down and seeing how strong he was made me proud to call him my son, and for me to be his Dad! Thanks for a great trip Trevor!

I meant to post this some time ago, Thank God I fly fish instead of golf, I fly fish an average of 200 days a year could you imagine, a friend of mine did some of this and the rest is just good old fashion Internet drivel.

Folks, I fish 130 days or so/year and usually am out about 6 hours average or 780 hours.

Now I had a look @ golf green fees for 18 holes in Central Ab. Ran about 37.50 for about 5 hours or $7.50/hr.

Now if I paid that much to fish it would have cost me $15850.00/year.

Makes what I used to pay @ 28/yr pretty cheap. Mind you, this past year I turned 65 so now I'm protected by the Govt like farmers, fishermen and whooping cranes. Life is good!!!

Ya, comparisons are kinda fun.

Think of it this way. The green is always moving, the hole is kinda receptive. You make your best putt, the ball falls in the hole and is quickly spit back in your direction and the hole disappears for an hour or so. All the while the course police are yelling @ you to hurry up as there are others that want to play as well.

What you did forget is the dress code. Now golfers get to dress in pastels - off white, lavender and the like. They are also expected to smell good and grass stains on any part of their anatomy may result in a summons by the golfing police and quick ejection off the course.

Whereas ---

Fishermen get to dress in rubber suits and frankly - get to smell bad. Dirt is appreciated and grass stains on your knees doesn't solicit comment and is frankly admired by those that recognize the craftiness of the angler. Fishermen and particularly FF types get to wear funky hats although it seems like the capo of today tends to reflect advertising by this or that rod company rather than fishermen of old who tended to reflect beer ads. Still, the FF hats with their complete tops just have to be a step in the right direction although both hats of FF types and ball floggers still focus on ball caps - the forerunner of skin cancer.

But there are two real big differences:

1] is balls vs flies. Balls tend to "stick" out when in the environment and nobody ever names their golf balls whereas flies, who are tied to blend into nature, hide when dropped. And the names - Thunder and Lightning, Tup's Indispensable and who can forget the Chernobyl Ant trip off FF lips without embarrassment.

2] The score- golfers count and the lower the count, apparently the better they did whereas fishermen who count are seen as weird by many and are shunned by their companions and society in general. FF types believe somehow that fishing is all about "being out". Golfers could really give sweet tweet about the out part and only worry about the "score".

Now equipment is where the difference really shows up. There are few if any golfers who make their own balls, craft their own clubs, repair their own shoes or for that matter do much of anything about the craft of golf. It's all about the "score": FF types are more pragmatic or maybe a little cheaper - well maybe more than a little - make that very cheap. They make this and that, rods, flies, leaders and there are some I've heard of make their own lines. Not only that, but due to the lack of dress code, some of them don't really dress in rubber suits preferring to address their manhood by finding how high their voice rises when the water deepens.

And while I could go on and on. one thing is readily apparent. Golf by it's nature requires manipulation of the environment tweaking the landscape to make the course somewhat but not too challenging. After all, the golf course wants them back to spend money. Now FF types abhor changes in the rivers environment and have been known to fight tooth and nail to preserve the landscape.

So there ya' go, a rapid look @ why some golf and why some fish. The cheap fish, the rest golf.

catch ya'

This sums up my style of golf:

For all my golfing friends,

Many of you may not realize it, but I've been very busy over the last year putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book on how to play the game of Golf to be published in the Summer of 2011.

I believe my new book on Golf will give the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I've gained through my years of lessons, struggle and experimentation.

I am very proud of the results, and to assist with marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I hope you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game much more while you enjoy the great outdoors.

The cost will only be $99.95. Don't wait until they're all gone !!!!

Table of Contents of my new Golf book:

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the Tee.

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker.

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Bird.

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap "Management".

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 AM.

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6-Hour Round.

Chapter 10 - When Does a Divot Become Classified as Sod.

Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water.

Chapter 12 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care that You Birdied the 5th Hole.

Chapter 13 - Using Curse Words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.

Chapter 14 - When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.

Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five Off the Tee.

Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponents.

Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey-Three-Putt..

Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 19 - Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique. Sub-section: Retrieving a Club from the Water Hazard without Getting Wet.

Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $6 a Beer From the Cart Girl and Give Her a $4 Tip, but will balk at $4 a Beer at the 19th Hole and then Stiff the Bartender.

Thanking you in advance for your order, again, I'm hoping to have it published in time for the start of the Summer Golf Season of 2011


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