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Ronan's report

Friday 3rd June, 2011

I was going to go fly fishing last weekend but Mother Nature had other ideas. Namely RAIN LOTS OF RAIN . ! So I attended the Chinook Waters Fly Fishing Club’s Conclave .

Friday night was a great mix of Salt Water Fly fishing films and Bullshit stories, you know the ones “tell him about that time, you know that time. One of the stories got my two creative brain cells fired up. The story goes like this – Peter Caster, is in his little round Float Tube on a lake in SEBC Ripp Nipple lake or some such , it is hidden in a valley and has very steep sides, and big and to hear Peter tell it Piggy Big Rainbows, so in BC you can use two fly rods with one fly on each, weird ehhh, here in SWAB it is one rod with 3 flies on it.. So Peter has his two rods out, and Wammo he gets a small Bow on one, well Peter is having some fun reeling this fish in, in the back of his mind is the thought we as concerned fly fishermen all have “what the hell am I going to do if I get a DH” Naaaa that won’t happen it only happens in the movies, right!!

Well the little one is almost to the net and there is that sound, you know that sound whinnnnnngggg followed closely by kersplushhhhh Peters other well set up rod, you know the expensive one is on it’s way to the bottom of this very deep and steep sided lake in Nipp Ripple valley, so Peter tries everything he can to get it back including staying another day. No luck, the value of that lake went up by close to a Grand$$$, that’s 15hundred in funny money. Great story huh.

Well this is where the two brain cell friction started what if Peter had a way of getting his rod back, of knowing where it was in the lake? Remember you heard it here first Bullshit you read it here first, for a price of lets say $199CND,what if there was a Satellite chip implanted in the reel seat, it would be easy to run the Antenna up the space in the rod, it would weigh next to nothing, and, using your or in our story here Peters Cell Phone, he could activate an App, for only $29.99CND and there it was right where it is, on a Goo(f)gle Map ($45.93CND), his fly rod, 287 meters down in Pimple Popp Lake, NWBC, well now what? Well I have a solution for that as well because for the low, low low price of three easy payments of $99.99CND Peter had installed a CO2 cartridge with a passionate Pink coloured Balloon, sort of a life jacket for a fly rod activated by the App for an additional charge of $53.50CND!. Remember you read it here first. Well that is it for now, but wait until you read about what I have come up with for those unfortunate and unplanned freshwater dips, while wearing your new “GO GO GADGET WADERS”.

Genius or what? Read about these other Canadian inventions and fun information.

Note: if you are sensitive to made up and embellished historical facts or take this shit seriously then stop reading now! .

Who says that Canadians Can’t Brag..

So, What Do We Canadians Have To Be Proud Of?

1. Smarties

2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp

3. The size of our footballs fields, one less down, and bigger balls.

4. Baseball is Canadian -- First game June 4, 1838, Ingersoll, ON

5. Lacrosse is Canadian

6. Hockey is Canadian

7. Basketball is Canadian

8. Apple pie is Canadian

9. Mr. Dress-up beats Mr. Rogers

10. Tim Hortons beats Dunkin' Donuts

11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back past their White House. Then we burned it, and most of Washington. We got bored because they ran away. Then, we came home and partied........ Go figure.

12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.

13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere... EVER. (We got clobbered in the odd battle but prevailed in ALL the wars.)

14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and lasted a little over an hour.

15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary; he slept in and missed the whole thing. He showed up just in time to get caught.

16. A Canadian invented Standard Time.

17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.

18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes. (That's more information than I need!)

19. We know what to do with the parts of a buffalo.

20. We don't marry our kin-folk..

21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, Velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin and the telephone. Also short wave radios that save countless lives each year..

22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.

23. A Canadian invented Superman.

24. We have coloured money.

25. Our beer advertisements kick ass { does our beer!}


The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.


Oh yeah... And our elections only take one day

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