Sunday 26th December, 2010
No doubt many of you will have either given, received, or purveyed some Casting Instruction Gift Vouchers this Yuletide/Christmas/Holiday. If so, I hope you took time to read the manual that came with it. You didn't? You never read manuals huh? Well, I hope you're still enjoying that stylish i-Phone paperweight thingy that you got last year.
So, to avoid embarrassment and unseemly rummaging around in the mountain of used wrapping paper stuffed behind the Christmas tree...
Quick-Start User Manual - Sexyloops Casting Instructor MkIV
Congratulations - as the proud owner of the SLCI MkIV we'd appreciate it if you'd take the time to read this operating manual to ensure you get the optimum performance from the unit.
1.0 Powering Up
Not to be confused with "turning on". Getting your casting instructor turned on is a whole different process altogether, not usually recommended under normal usage and which could result in unwanted attention from passers by, and possibly the police.
Your casting instructor comes with his own power pack ready installed (NO BATTERIES REQUIRED). He can be activated in a number of ways and you can choose from the following start-up procedures:
- Waving used fivers under his nose
- A promised supply of beer after the instruction session. (WARNING: never insert beer into unit before operation - efficiency may be compromised)
- A promise of good fishing, before, during, or after the session - he won't mind which.
Early morning starts are not recommended for this model - think "after lunch".
2.0 Basic Operation
Your casting instructor can be operated in different modes to suit your needs:
Beginner Mode: Your instructor is programmed to use basic terms only - limited to two syllables - and spoken in a calm and confident manner. Note: persistent and prolonged re-use of Beginner Mode may result in audible teeth grinding and eye rolling from the unit. This can be avoided with frequent breaks and some lubrication (see 1.0 above) for the unit, and if the user can actually PRACTISE between sessions (FFS!).
Intermediate Operation: In this mode the unit will start to use some technical terms, and may even show off a bit. Users will find this entertaining to start with...
Instruction will revolve around the Five Essentials - with the unit going through these in random order and forgetting the last one. (User Prompt: it's "No Slack Line". Use this ahead of time, and sarcastically to prevent excess showing off).
In Intermediate mode the unit may appear to be stuck, constantly repeating the phrase "Less power. Less power. Even less than that. Even less than that". This is not a fault, in the unit...
Advanced Operation: Users are warned not to activate this mode until comfortable with the previous two. Advanced operation mode lets you learn all sorts of casts you'll never need and the unit will constantly refer to a kind of physics you've never heard of, and which sounds a bit iffy; especially when the unit can't quite demonstrate the cast of which it speaks.
In Advanced operation mode the unit is also programmed with an enhanced feedback system. This is designed to stretch the users abilities, and patience, with phrases such as "Christ my granny can cast better than that - and she's dead", and "have you ever thought of taking up golf?"
3.0 Maintenance, safety, and precautions
3.1 Cleaning: The unit may appear slightly scuffed around the edges, and in need of a bit of spit and polish. DO NOT attempt to clean the unit yourself, and under no circumstances should you attempt to replace its socks! Seek professional advice before touching the unit without gloves. No, really,
3.2 Ventilation: Where possible use the unit outdoors to prevent a build up of fumes (see Socks above). Do not stand unit on soft furnishings or carpets unless covered in shrink-wrap before hand.
3.3 Attachments: The unit usually comes with no attachments whatsoever. However it may occasionally make strange noises about settling down and starting a family, before buggering off on a bike ride around Australia...
4.0 There is no four
Thanks for taking the time to read this quick guide. Have fun with your instructor and have a very Happy New Year.
Will
