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Ronan's report


Friday 22nd October, 2010

My birthday is coming up, I will be “DAMN NEAR FIFTY” and I am getting somewhat comfortable. I like to do what I like to do, and if I don’t want to try something new then hell I won’t do it. I used to think I would fish the world, now I am happy to read about it, I still will make New Zealand, for a month or more, and repeatedly for a month or more.

I like to think that but for New Zealand I maybe in the best Trout and possibly Pike fishing area in the world at least the world as seen through my eyes.

I am reading a how to book it’s a first edition from 1978, Fly Fishermans’s Complete Guide to FISHING WITH THE FLY ROD. The list of contributors is a who’s who of the day – Cordes, Kreh, Lyons, Merwin, Niemeyer, Richards, Schwiebert, Soson, Swisher, Traver, The Wulffs, and Zahner, Their words of wisdom and guidance given are comfortable, and well worn. Some of it wildly out of date.

I think that except for a few select areas in my life I could do without surprise and new stuff, I have even found myself naming some of the places I fish and naming some of the fish, the Bitch and the Bitch pool come to mind, the bitch lives under a fallen log that let go from a high earthen bank on one of my winter rivers I first saw her three years ago, I was drifting nymphs into her pool looking to unskunk a day with a RMBF the SWJ-Caddis pupa , and #18clinger, were raising in the water when she took a wild swipe at them, she left a wake and awoke me up big time. I have been trying to catch her since, I have lost 8 flies to her and her lair; I was really comfortable when my son caught her on a Royal Coachman, this spring, she measured 19.5in against his Orvis rod.

The RC dry fly is one that he is comfortable with, I have to tie several dozen over the winter, because I know that he is going to be looking for it when the fly of the day fails it works for him, I have used the RC Stimulator with limited success, and with great success in New Brunswick for Brook Trout, but that is unfair, those trout have a hereditary death wish, and an affinity for sharp wire with hair, hurl and red floss.

So this fall I have applied for three adventures, only one of them I would call a job and that is the one I have done before, the other two are a complete unknown occupation to me, it’s all about to happen or not! Out of my comfort zone again, like the first time I had to stick my hands inside a living human body. Enough rambling from a quasi-old man BTW - RMBF = Rocky Mountain Bone Fish or Rocky Mountain White Fish

Yeah this has made the rounds and probably you have seen it a time or two but if you are old like me you won't remember and get a kick out of it anyway. The older we get

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

(Unbelievable, but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

A brunette, by the way!!

SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room.

The kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.

The mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!! (My Favorite )


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