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Ronan's report

Friday 15th January, 2010


In the past we have published an extensive list of helpful angling products produced by our experts here at ZA. These products have been based on our considerable experience in dealing with those little personal crises that arise from certain life practices common to anglers around the world.

We are aware that many anglers, burdened with small but treatable angling difficulties and defects, are ashamed to openly discuss these sensitive matters and many have paid considerable sums for private instruction and guidance without obtaining relief. It is a great misfortune that our sport is cursed with quacks, unprincipled charlatans and potion and pill peddling poltroons who seek no-ones good but their own and in our corporate opinion it is a gross defect in our international laws that permits such swindlers to go unpunished...

But now, through the ZA Casting Remedies Committee, in conjunction with our very own Aunty Marjorie Whelpton Pills, we are offering free consultations by post to troubled anglers who are at liberty to describe a history of their terrible and debilitating angling maladies, privately and in their own words, to our panel of ZA experts.

In the unlikely event that if, after receiving and considering such a history, we do not fully understand the anglers problem, we will begin a more detailed correspondence and ask such further questions as may be necessary in order to offer a cheap and simple solution from our international mail order remedies catalogue. If you have already self diagnosed your problem, please refer in your letter to the appropriate page as shown in "Index of Ugly Casting Conditions" in the "ZAPPP Ltd Peoples Angling Ailments Advisor" and, if you are already receiving treatment for your disorder, please inform us as to where in the section "Some Simple Self Pounding Techniques and How to Spark up a Specialist Belt " you have discovered your remedy.

Here at ZA you can have no fear that your best interests are at the very heart of our organisation and your privacy is completely guaranteed by both the staff and their friends and family and their friends here at ZA and of course the entire readership of the Squeak.

If requested, it may be necessary to send a small vial of urine for analysis. Please ensure such vials are well corked and carefully packed in a recyclable tin can or wooden box, or, you may bore out a carrot or parsnip for safe shipping, there must be sufficient saw-dust or blotting paper to absorb all liquid should the vial get broken. Please send a stamped addressed envelope and a spare pre bored parsnip for safe return of your urine after testing.

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