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Ronan's report


Friday November 20th, 2009

Further to Glendas Notes. Now there are some hidden (hints) in one of the summaries...hope this helps....

Due to the collapse in corporate lending which threatens to end the vital work of ZA PPP Ltd, the chairman has a long delayed epiphany after a close encounter with mysterious management consultant Miss Co-Co Lo-Co Hotbody in the CBI meditation yurt and authorises the inception of ZA Bank, The Anglers Bank.

After accidentally witnessing a lively demo of Brazilian Double Handed Ferrule Waxing by officers from the South Enfield and Cockfosters Fire Brigade Pole Oilers and Nozzle Reamers Latin American Dance Troupe, the spritely Prof Porteus Plukeperch begins the annual hanging of rival casting certificates in the lecture rooms of the ZA institute, a terrible inter-organisational rivalry between the institutes instructors boils to the surface,...nobody cares.

Dinky Dinsmores totally fair dismissal at gun point by Cane Ridge and Millicent Figges during a ZA accounts department coup, results in an unwelcome employment tribunal claim. Lobelia Pukeweed, head of Human Resources, suggests that Dinsmore is dispatched to friends of Mr Wig in Jamaica for re-education.

The Reverend Muff Kettlington, innocent custodian of St Beatrices hostel for destitute lady casters, is appraised of his heresy against the orthodoxy, (communicating with ZA scientists who are proposing a rotational and translational powered cast), and is requested to stand down by stoner bishop Marmaduke Rutillus Spliffe.

Thanks to an observant Frenchman, the mind cleansing early morning ZA ZEN pre casting "Moo" is introduced to an international consortium of casters and anglers in upper Britain.

In a great allegorical tale of the clash of dogma, personality and nature, Muff Kettlington, distressed, tries fishing (displacement therapy) in the narrow channel... (representing a closed and chaotically boundaried mode of thought).. . of the Upper Clitterhouse brook but tears his urban camo bankboys... (sociologically pre-established protective personal psychology)... loses a boot... (foundation ethical precept)... and suffers a terrible nettling of the nuts... (mind).. . as he leaves the stream ... (showing that leaving the accepted path of thinking can expose the vulnerable id to danger and real psychological pain)... his resulting primal wail... (nettle warbler)... indirectly disturbs Major Cropstwattle and curvaceous widow Winky Wilberforce,... (totally hot!!!!!),... in their secret valley bottom love arbour.

The solitary, naked and physically stunning Bubbles Colquhoun,... (representing natures untamed beauty in the raw)... encounters the rubbing reverend in the bluebell woods and simply explains away the mystery of the howling spaniels ... (Thus reconciling nature, superstition and fear of the unknown through rational instruction)... Sid Lobe, organising secretary of the Sheerness and Medway Mudbanks International Flatfish Nymphing Convention, is gutted. (upset)

Trouble brews back in ZA as ERC aka Ernie Perkins has a bit of a dart at the daughter of ZA Finance Director Rodney Goodge Mudchute and calls his casting stave a noodle during a druidic ritual on the Tally ho Tump.

From high on the uninhabited and blasted heath Muff and Bubbles look down on the fishless, smoke shrouded and utterly moral free city and decide to seek soul therapy and a new way together at the tented Bogstock casting festival in the far west beyond Neasden.

Exhausted from the journey, they find refuge at the Yurt of the Tripping Frog and are welcomed by casting Guru Fillmore Moonshimmer (aka Jimmy the Wig, master of disguise) and his secret lover, fly tier extraordinaire, Gwendoline Perkins.

It is revealed that top ZA scientist Porteus Plukeperch once lurked around the now defunct organisation Perkins Merkins and ran away after a devastatingly disappointing gadget failure involving top weaver Geraldine Rotwanger and some X-Ray spectacles behind the weavers changing cupboards.

Meanwhile, Bogs Briggs, lead performer with top Peelers burlesque troupe Hauled Strike and the Hysterical Spasms, dozing fitfully between drunken performances, suffers recurring nightmares of a once beautiful fish filled lake, now fishless and dying in dust.

Muff Kettlington and Bubbles find a path to a new truth amongst the free casters yurts and tipis and learn how to love and make bakelised fly boxes.

Bogs Briggs, broken by alcohol fuelled nightmares and despair, is accidentally launched towards his lust crazed fans. He is rescued from the matronly melee by Bunty Wigthorne and taken back to her pimple patterned room in the safety of the ZA PR department for recovery.

Old Cutty McCuthbert OCuthbertson one eyed, but all seeing, barman of the Mayfair Marauder anticipates trouble at the casting oche during the close season but nevertheless expects a healthy income from idle northern hemisphere anglers passing the winter intoxicated.

In the same Marauder bar, Laurence Furtlesham thinks back on his previous life as a ZA Field products tester and, musing on the payoff between security and risk, names a few of the legends and wonders as to the whereabouts of the greatest tester of them all... WC Briggs.

To be continued.......


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