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Ronan's report

Friday February 27th, 2009

Dear Auntie Marjorie,

After an extended distance casting session I often find myself with sore shoulder muscles. Is this normal?

Painful in Portland

Dear Painful Ian

Yes trouble in the shoulder is very common. Personally I have difficulties with my Latissimus dorsi and finger and wrist flexors too, especially after I have had a hard day poling the punt.

Sometimes, if there's any left over from the horses, I ask my Wilf to rub wintergreen ointment onto my sensitive areas (and, if I'm feeling playful, I forget to remind him to wash his hands before he pees)

Auntie Marje

Dear Aunty Marjorie,

On a recent trip, one of the young backpackers sighed lustily in her sleep as I was re-envisioning the trout spotted during my day's fishing, associating both within my mind. Unfortunately, this has fouled up my anti-climax mechanism. What can I do?

Pre-Spent Spinner

Dear Spent

It is common, deep in the night, for inexperienced, novice backpackers, just like yourself, to have complex and sometimes confusing dreams inspired by fish and girls and, very occasionally, just by the strange beauty and mystery of other creatures in the world about us, this is quite normal Spent and there is no need for you to feel desperate. (Even at my age, I am sometimes bothered by Bison as I sleep).

I have no doubt that your co-traveler, as she lay close by in the sultry night, her soft hair spread like spun gold on the silken pillow, her simple cotton shift riding high on the satin smooth skin of her pale moonlit thigh and clinging to the warm contours of her firm young body, that she too, dreamed of powerful forces of nature. No doubt her full lips, glistening, like new morning dew on the plump flesh of ripening plums, parted ever so slightly as she slept, to utter a subtle, almost silent, whinny of pleasure at the thought of a mighty leaping fish and a line pulled taught to the flexed rod of a well oiled angler…….

And no doubt she was not repressed enough to be taking anti-climax mechanisms on her holidays.


These complex instruments are designed for use in difficult situations like negotiating an overdraft with the Bank or lengthy diocesan discussions up at the Bishopric… …


takes them on their holidays, it's very, VERY dangerous, you could suffer from "backing up",…. turn it off, just for a minute, as you go through the airport personal mechanisms detector and….BLAM……!! wipe out an entire LAX security shift…. some of these people must have families… did you think of them??.....NO!!….I thought not.

Look, just send your mechanism back to ZA for a good service and have the vinegar sump sluiced and recharged….please don't take it away with you on holiday again, and try to learn how to use it properly, you could have someone's eye out if you're not careful young man.

Mrs. Marjorie Whelpton Pills (Auntie, Appalled).

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