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Falsecast

Monday: Paul Arden
Tuesday: Harps
Wednesday: Bernd Ziesche
Thursday: Mr T.
Friday: Ray
Saturday: Viking Lars
Sunday: Bruce Richards

Ronan's report

It would be nice to wear fly fishing clothes that have actually been made for a woman. At the moment, I am forced to wear polar fleeces, waders (thigh boots and breathables), neoprenes, shirts and trousers that have all been manufactured for the fisherMAN.

The crutch in my neoprenes is especially uncomfortable considering it only comes up to my knees - walking for any length of time can become more challenging than the fishing. I am beginning to believe my only chance of feeling totally comfortable whilst walking to fishing spots is to develop a rotund belly, have a double leg reduction and grow a penis to fill the void in the crutch.

My waist-high breathables, however, should be renamed the "bib and brace" - the waist sits just under my armpits and the belt, which I had to cut down by half its length and which I need to keep the waders up, squashes my breasts (what there is of them). After a while though, everything just slips down to my waist causing a billowing of material that acts like an exploding car airbag when I sit down. Why did I buy something so big, you might ask? My response would be another question - "what man out there is 7 feet tall with only size 4 feet??!!"

Then there are the pockets on the trousers which are so deep, to retrieve anything, I have to squat, stretch my leg out and delve around. I used to wonder why they are so deep until one day an unbearable itch in the company of several male fishing buddies, reduced the wondering to respect for the manufacturers' insight into the male need to "fiddle" under the camouflage of retrieving something that isn't actually there.

Recently a fishing buddy bought himself the perfect outfit for cold-weather fishing - a New Zealand brand of clothing suitable for either the hunter or fisherman. The material is light, warm, windproof and waterproof. He looks great. I tried on the smallest size they had and looked deformed - no legs and a body that started at my ankles.

One guy, who was trying to sell me a shirt that fitted me like a new-fashioned, fully functional maternity dress, smirked, "it's not a fashion parade". I know fishing gear is not designed for the fashion conscious and if I were so inclined, I wouldn't be wearing any of it. But it would be nice just to once, be able to walk into a fishing store, ask where the woman's clothing was located, and not be met with a blank stare.

Glenda

Pic Of Day