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Ronan's report

Friday June 9, 2006

The little ponds I fish have been crying out for help with the warm weather we’ve been suffering lately (yes, suffering, we’re English after all). They have been hit with a bloom of blanket weed (aka Filamentous green algae (aka Bastard stuff).

The water is warm, the oxygen is low and the fish are very lethargic. It’s not looking good. It’s difficult stuff to deal with, you basically have to drag it out. There are other options (chemicals, biological manipulation), but dragging has the benefit of allowing you to shout obscenities at the weed as you remove it. There has been much talk about the benefits of chatting to plants to help them grow and stay healthy, so I figure hey, why not use it to upset the algae? Ok, algae, house plant, not exactly the same thing, are they? Well, they’re both green and get in the way so it’s worth a try.

I start with some gentle comments such as, “my goldfish would eat you for breakfast”, and, “I’ve seen bigger blooms in my nans fish tank”. Then I move up a notch and insult the algae’s manhood, before mooning it, whilst shouting, “kiss my ass greeny”.

The exciting finally involves a combination of stamping and a chorus of we are the champions. I have found this method of weed control to be very effective, so much so that the Environment Agency have decided to adopt it for all of their fishery management projects.

Another Sexyloops first in the continuing struggle for world domination (obviously).



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